The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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