woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
