They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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