Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
