Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
