Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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