It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
