remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
