fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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