Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Randomize
