My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
