I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
