i don't plan on having that self control this summer
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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