If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
