My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
