So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
