John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
