You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
