he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
