We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
