Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
