dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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