I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
