I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
