8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
