I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
