fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
