I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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