Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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