Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
