Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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