Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
