We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
