it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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