Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
