You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
