hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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