Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
