he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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