you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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