After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
