I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
