"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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