I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
