The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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