I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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