Don't you send me to vm
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
