No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
