two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
