WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
