omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
