I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
